September 2002 - Glamour Magazine

A Hollywood Actress's Intimate Diary Why I Took Out My Breast Implants (Page Two - Continued) So today, back on the set of Spider's Web, I took a deep breath, walked onto the set in my see-through shirt and filmed my scenes. Paul, the director, said I didn't look bad, but I feel ashamed of my body. I want to be more than what I've given myself credit for. I am talented and loving and beautiful. I want to be me again. It's time to say goodbye to the silicone.

Tuesday, March 19, 2002

I just met with Dr. Stanley Frileck, my new doctor, who is going to take out my implants. After my breast encapsulated, the doctor who downsized me said he could take out the hardened scar tissue in my right breast and leave in the implants. He did admit there was a 50 percent chance that my breast would reencapsulate, but he reiterated that if I took the implants out completely, I might regret it. I needed a second opinion - I knew what I wanted, and that doctor wasn't helping me.

That's when a friend told me about Dr. Frileck. I went to his office for a consultation and immediately felt comfortable with him. We scheduled the operation to remove my implants for April 24.<

Monday March 25, 2002 This weekend, I went to a YMCA camp in the Pocono Mountains for what's called a Core Energetics workshop - basically a kind of group therapy. I'd already made the decision to change my body back to what it used to be, but I wanted to hear myself say it out loud. I wanted to put a wall behind my words so that there would be no going back. So on the third day, in a workshop called Take-A-Risk Night, I went for it. In front of 150 people, I said, "My name is Kari. I'm an actress in L.A. and I'm removing the breast implants that have been part of my self-image for 13 years. I'm terrified that I won't know who I am when I look in the mirror. Or more truthfully, I'm afraid of removing my mask and discovering the real me. Am I good enough?" That's still my biggest question...and my greatest fear. Wednesday, April 10, 2002 I've been preparing so much for the surgery itself that I've forgotten about the physical aftermath. Was that first doctor right? Will my breasts be sad and empty? Or will I sag with sow udders like the women in National Geographic?   How will it affect my career? How will my future partners respond physically? I'm not even sure my past partners liked my big breasts all that much. I used to tell them, "Don't touch me there," and encouraged them to touch real parts of my body instead. I know my sexual energy lives within my spirit and not in my fake breasts, but my fear is that no one else knows that. I'm afraid I won't have anything to hide behind. I'm afraid that when the world sees me without my disguise, all I'll have to wow 'em with is me. Friday, April 19, 2002

Today was my preop appointment with Dr. Frileck. He said he wouldn't do the operation if I seemed emotionally unprepared so I had to hold it together and convince him I was ready. But I am ready. He said the procedure was really straightforward: Once I was under anesthesia, he would make a small half-moon incision along the bottome of each aureole, around my nipples - the same incisions that were used to put in both sets of my implants - and pull the implants out through them.

He'd then insert needle-thin drains that would stick out about an inch on either side of my torso, basically under my armpits; these would help my body let out the fluid that had collected around the implants. Dr. Frileck said the whole procedure would last about 45 minutes. Then he'd wrap me in a big bandage and take out the drains and stitches without the next two days. He added that it would take three to four months for my breasts' "mammary memory" to help them settle back into place. It all sounds worth it to me. When I was shooting the film Anaconda with Jennifer Lopez in 1996, people on the set were saying things about her like "We're going to have to shoot her from the waist up because of her huge butt."   But then Jennifer started throwing love there and putting it out with such confidence and pride --and now everyone in the whole world thinks she has the most beautiful behind! The fact that she pulled it off helps me believe I can do it too. I want to learn to love every part of me without apology.