Spider Woman Prepare to envy the lucky arachnids crawling over Kari Wuhrer in two films this Summer By Kevin Raub with Photgraphy by Stephen Danelian Three types of girls hop onstage at a karaoke bar: drunk hussies, wannabe professional singers and brides-to-be under bachelorette orders. Kari Wuhrer has been all of those at one time or another, but last night she belted out Oasis's "Wonderwall" in a Hollywood dive bar just for goofs. Like her days on MTV's Remote Control in the late '80's, the 35-year-old actress simply loves the spotlight. "I'm the center of attention everywhere I go," she says. "Everything has to be at my house and about me." A source of drool for geeks everywhere during her three years on Sci Fi Channel's Sliders", Kari sparked adolescent wet dreams the world over with her lesbian scene in the movie Kate's Addiction. She dated Henry Dollins and even recorded an album, Shiny, in 1998. But lately she has been operating a bit too far under the radar for FHM's taste. That's all about to change. Despite being a bit lightheaded from the night before -not from her karaoke performance, but from a battle she lost to a tree - Kari was still game for talking up her two upcoming arachnid-themed films: the summer blockbuster hopeful Eight Legged Freaks, starring David Arquett, and the indie-flick Spider's Web. "I play a sheriff in Eight Legged Freaks," she says, "and I look hot in a uniform. It just did wonderful things for my ass."   (Like it need it) So you had an incident with a tree last night? We went to this coffeehouse where you have to duck underneath a tree to get to the tables. I'm walking through the courtyard and checking out these dudes at this table and trying to not be obvious, and I walk right smack into the tree. There was blood everywhere. You'll have an endearing little scar there. Shut up! I was hitting my stride as an attractive woman and now everything's falling apart. So you've just shot two spider movies. You can't be afraid of spiders, can you? Tarantulas always kind of creeped me out. Of course, I've never seen one in the wild, and I could never imagine touching one or letting one crawl on me. But I conquered my fear. When the wrangler was on set with all the different spiders, I let the non-poisonous ones walk on me. They felt tickly and it was kind of sweet. What parts of you did they walk on? On my arms and my neck. They're really soft, but they've got big, fat butts and they're kind of creepy. I just took a big breath and did it. Most guys first fell in love with you on MTV's Remote Control. Did you ever hook up with Ken Ober or Colin Quinn? No. But I've seen both their penises. They insisted on it. Tell FHM something you did in high school that you look back on and laugh at. I was a cheerleader! I hated it. I remember we were doing a cheer on the basketball court, and as they were building the pyramid, I was taking off my uniform, because the skirt and sweater belonged to the school and the briefs and the turtleneck were mine. Just as we said our last "Go get 'em!" I was in my underwear and turtleneck, and I walked off. I was like, "I quit," and left the uniform on the court. What's the most wholesome thing about you? The granola in my cupboard. No, let me think about that. The way I love a man. I give really good love. Maybe a little too good for most people to handle. Have you ever operated heavy machinery? Yes. I operate a forklift in Eight Legged Freaks. Heavy machinery is cool. As long as you're not taking cold tablets. What do you keep in your dresser drawers that nobody knows about? Lots of naked Polaroids of me. A couple years ago, Playboy asked me to pose. I was going through a divorce and I thought, "Maybe this is something new for me." So I called my friend at four in the morning-he's a photographer-and said, "You have to take naked Polaroids of me. I have to see how I feel about this." I took a deep breath and looked down at the floor, and all around me were these Polaroids of this naked person. I just freaked out. What about the "sexy videos"? I love Japanese animated porn. Love it. Just watched some this morning. What's a sure-fire way to get kicked out of your bed? If you tell me to settle down, quiet down or stifle my expression, you're a goner. And don't say to me, "Stay away from the ass!" You just don't say that. If you could be a guy for one day, what would be the first thing you'd do? Yank on it! Are you kidding me? I want to see what it feels like. Well, sex would be the first thing I would do. I just think that while I was looking for the person, I'd be yanking on it.